How to win friends and influence people
The book became boring by the time I was done with the first two sections. It felt too preachy and a bit dated.
Which is not to say I agree with the things that were said. I have picked most of these things in life. Some during training as part of my first job. Maybe my teacher had read this book herself. But that was when I had been told to give feedback in a proper way - first tell the positive things and then the negatives. Or things others could improve. I was miffed then, of course. I was the one noting down points in my notebook, making effort. I got the point later.
This was one of the points mentioned in the book.
If I had time, and I haven’t had the time yet, I think there were a core set of properties, things, that were being repeated across different sections. Be kind. Be nice. Genuinely nice. Do not criticise. I made a ton of highlights though. Not a note though.
I will. Or I may already have. All I need to is update it.
Notes
Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.
Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Do you think Mrs. Anderson received any response from that letter? Eleven of the twelve banks invited her to be interviewed, and she had a choice of which bank’s offer to accept. Why? Mrs. Anderson did not state what she wanted, but wrote in the letter how she could help them, and focused on their wants, not her own.
After the letter she had sent out to the banks. Gives me an idea about how to frame the cover letter. Instead of framing it as who I am and what I want, it should say how I can help them. It should be about me figuring out what they want and then saying this is how you can get it. I love the first line of this- My 10 years of experience will be of interest to you.
This seems like a key thing in selling things as well. People want to buy stuff, not be sold something.
Be genuinely interested in other people. A good way to make friends.
Smile - it’s a good way to make a first impression.
Remember a person’s name.
I have heard this advice a few times. I am bad at it though. Reading about it reminded me how Soli took time to see how my name was pronounced while the rest of my team did not care. Even after correction they still pronounce it wrong.
I remember how it made me feel.
Be a good listener and encourage others to speak, which shouldn’t be too difficult as every one is interested in themselves. This goes with the principle above of being genuinely interested in other people.
Find out what someone else likes or is interested in and then talk about it.
This seems a bit scammy, but is it really? Being prepared in advance is a good idea. Goes well with being interested in other people and listening to them.
Opera tenor Jan Pearce, after he was married nearly fifty years, once said: “My wife and I made a pact a long time ago, and we’ve kept it no matter how angry we’ve grown with each other. When one yells, the other should listen — because when two people yell, there is no communication, just noise and bad vibrations.”
Something I need to do.
Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
When we are right, let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking, and when we are wrong—and that will be surprisingly often, if we are honest with ourselves—let’s admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm. Not only will that technique produce astonishing results; but, believe it or not, it is a lot more fun, under the circumstances, than trying to defend oneself.
Let the other person do the talking.
No one likes to feel that he or she is being sold something or told to do a thing. We much prefer to feel that we are buying of our own accord or acting on our own ideas. We like to be consulted about our wishes, our wants, and our thoughts.
Try to see things from the other’s point of view.
It seemed that, as in so many families, mother and dad’s chief form of communication with the children was yelling at them. And, as in so many cases, the children became a little worse rather than better after each such session — and so did the parents. There seemed to be no end in sight for this problem.
Talk about changing people. If you and I inspire the people with whom we come into contact to a realisation of the hidden treasures they possess, we can do far more than change people. We can literally transform them.