Losing someone

My nanaji passed away a couple of days back.

He was the last of my surviving grand parents. It felt like the close of an era. Something lost forever. For the longest time, I had kept feeling that I needed to see him one last time. I had that fear. I was able to see him last year. I had gone and met him. He had looked somehow younger than his age. But that had been after a long time.

And still, despite it all, I did not feel really sad. Sometimes I feel like I'm broken. I am too much at peace with death. And my nanaji did live a long life.

He had issues. He had diabetes. I remember my mother would put cream in his feet, whenever we went there. During summer break.

My mother. I remember she had cried once. Or I had seen her cry once. After she and I had just reached my maternal home. I think she was just tired. I don't know. Parents don't tell their kids their pains. They try to shield them. It is when the children grow, that there comes a change. Where the kids are not just kids. When the parent can sit and talk to the child, as an adult. Share their pains, a little.

I could never have that with my mother. I never will. But that's OK. There's nothing to be done about it.

Everything in nature, that is born, dies. If not today, then tomorrow. It's natural.