About the marshmallow experiment

A good early measure of whether a child will be successful in life is if they are able to delay gratification. Most famously this was tested in the marshmallow experiment.

From the wiki:

The Stanford marshmallow experiment was a study on delayed gratification in 1970 led by psychologist Walter Mischel, a professor at Stanford University. In this study, a child was offered a choice between one small but immediate reward, or two small rewards if they waited for a period of time. During this time, the researcher left the child in a room with a single marshmallow for about 15 minutes and then returned. If they did not eat the marshmallow, the reward was either another marshmallow or pretzel stick, depending on the child's preference. In follow-up studies, the researchers found that children who were able to wait longer for the preferred rewards tended to have better life outcomes, as measured by SAT scores, educational attainment, body mass index (BMI), and other life measures.

I had read this some where, and for the longest time known about this part only. It seems like an obvious thing too. Of course if you’re able to say I would rather do the work first and then get the reward, you would get ahead in life. It shows maturity, patience and discipline in a person. Discipline above all else is required to succeed.

Yesterday, I read, Marshmallow Test and Parenting - @desunit (Sergey Bogdanov)

First of all, it’s not just about willpower. A follow-up study showed that kids from stable, reliable homes were much more likely to wait than kids from unpredictable ones. If you’re a kid and the adults in your life constantly break promises, why would you trust them this time? Why wait for the second marshmallow if history tells you it might not show up? Waiting isn’t a character trait; it’s a strategy. And strategies are shaped by experience.
So what’s the takeaway here? It’s simple, really: as parents, we set the tone. Our actions, promises, and reliability shape how our kids see the world. Are we building an environment where they feel safe enough to wait? Or are we teaching them that they need to grab what they can, when they can?

That made me question my beliefs regarding this behaviour in kids.

If a kid trusts the parent to follow through on their promises, they are more likely to wait eating the damn marshmallow. It matters that they are coming from a stable home, where they know there will be food on the table.

More than this being a quality of the kids, it becomes a property of the environment they are brought up in!

Most of what kids learn, is not things you say, things you want your kids to learn, it’s things you do, day in and out.

It’s important to be the person you want them to become. It’s important to give them the environment where they can delay gratification, and show discipline. It’s important to give them an environment to succeed.